i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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