Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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