Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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