I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
