it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
God, I missed his penis.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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