I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
