i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
