I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
