some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
