You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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