if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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