They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
