ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
