gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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