Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
