Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize