Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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