Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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