I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
