I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
