Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
