An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
