a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
