the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im six kinds of drunk right now
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
