I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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