as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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