Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
