Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
