I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize