Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize