i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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