My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
