Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
