I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
