Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
