I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
