I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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