one two three fourrrrnication!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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