she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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