M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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