I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
