After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
