You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
