It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
