I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
