I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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