Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
