So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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