he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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