He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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