then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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