if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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