Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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