have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
