I must be too annoying 4 u.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
