Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize