Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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