I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Pooping to opera.
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