you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
