worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
