Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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