i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
