He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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